The Raven's Roost

I got my second Covid shot this afternoon! So far just normal muscle soreness in the arm, but some random psychosomatic stuff I always have as well. At least this time around I know if the muscle pain gets too bad I can take something for it.

The pharmacist said they get kind of a random batch of needles and stuff when they get the vaccines in, and the needles vary in quality. I mentioned that this shot seemed to sting a lot more than the previous one, which I barely noticed. But it still wasn't too bad - I've had way worse shots that that.

I know that getting fully vaccinated isn't a license to do as you please, but we are planning a short trip to Disney at the end of the month. Unlike some visitors we plan on actually complying with any new guidelines they have in place. I'm seriously looking forward to trying to get something from Gideon's Bakehouse - if standing in line isn't an option, they have a location near Fox's parents' house where we can place a pick-up order and grab that on our way home.

Or as one of the bookish memes about vaccines I've seen says, "Being fully vaccinated doesn't mean you can simply walk into Mordor."

Wasn't planning on walking to Mordor, but I guarantee that by mid-August, it'll be so hot here that one day a couple of hobbits will show up and toss a ring into my yard.

Heheh I'm derpy. Maybe I should go eat dinner.

Over the last four days, we've received 4.52" rain. That's more than we've gotten all year, total, and if Florida stays true to form, summer will continue being rainy, or at least I hope it will. The wildfire situation was getting scary. When you're down to warning people about tossing cigarette butts, you know everything is tinder-dry and can go up at the least thing.

So yesterday I got my follow up scan and ultrasound, but they don't seem to have any brainiacs on staff at the imaging place, and said they'd have a radiologist read it, then send the results to my doctor. So I'm the last person in this chain who gets to find out what's going on. And if my boob didn't hurt before, it does now, though that's partly the ultrasound and partly psychosomatic. Other anxiety-provoking elements are becoming less of a perceived threat so I'm finally able to do things like, oh you know. Sleep through the night and wake up refreshed. Eat food. Be productive instead of nervously poking at the internet all day.

I mean, obviously we're all still in a hell of a mess that's only getting worse as each day passes. But it's good to be able to function.

Like this morning, I slept through my Fitbit alarm and woke up at 8. You have to push the button in it twice to dismiss the alarm, so I obviously did this in my sleep. All my good habits have gone by the wayside, so I declare today an Official Respawn. Today I'm going to get a three mile run, do a simplified strength training routine (since I haven't done it much in the last few weeks and don't want to hurt myself), and do some meal prep so we have breakfasts and maybe some lunch for me, though I still have tuna & white beans in the fridge. I can't change what the test results will be, no matter how much my Anxiety Brain says that if I just concentrate hard enough on the worst possible outcome, it might not happen. And then it finds a way to make the worst outcome even worse.

A few weeks ago, I read an interesting short article about some anxiety research, and I wish I'd followed up and found the study. Anyway, this person was saying that we know that anxiety disorders spring from a certain way your brain is hard-coded from birth. It can't make the fine distinction between something benign and something that is a threat, so it tends to respond to everything as a threat. (This is just very broad strokes.) They found that this is partly true, but there's also a strong nurture component. Childhood experiences and interactions have to potential to either dial back these responses, or exacerbate them. Getting beyond infancy, bad experiences in starting school have to power to start writing the "everything will kill you" program some of us run on.

Tomorrow Fox and I may head to Palatka (voluntarily) to the Blue Crab Festival. I don't think I've been to this since I first moved here and we went with Kitty. Anyway, it'll be a fun opportunity to stuff myself stupid with crabmeat.

Also out my bedroom window I can see a ground dove and blue jay hunting bugs. Last weekend we ground out some tree stumps and this weekend we may try to get the concrete pilings in for the back deck. Not sure how that's going to go, weather-wise, but we may have clear skies for a little while.

I need to get my custom mood theme loaded, and I probably need some angry userpics. I didn't use a lot of my old LJ pics - I have some, but a lot of it feels like its from a different era and doesn't really fit anymore.

A little backstory on me for the new folks: When I moved to Florida part of my new "job" was helping around the house here and dealing with medical stuff of all stripes for Kitty. This included my memorizing her social security number and date of birth so I could be her on the phone in dealing with insurance companies and doctors' offices. She had a very complex set of chronic illnesses and took an almost bewildering array of medications to keep her as functional as possible. Insurance companies are not my favorite entities to engage with, especially when they're dragging their heels on prescriptions.

So of course I'm now tangling with them over my own prescriptions. They recently decided that if I didn't switch to ordering 90-day supplies through them then they weren't going to cover me. I really like my Publix pharmacy and I fought this beak and talon but of course, they won. Today I had to contact my doctor's office to see about getting the scrips reissued, and I'll need to go see him next week. In the meantime, I have enough blood pressure medication to do, but I've been off my anxiety medication for over a week.

And ... I'm not really noticing it.

Anxiety is one of those hard-wired problems that is simply fucked-up brain chemistry. It doesn't just go away on its  own. I was also pretty happy with my "crazy pills," except that I couldn't have grapefruit. I love grapefruit. But so far, I'm not experiencing a lot of physical or emotional symptoms, and I'm honestly considering telling the good doctor about this and seeing what he thinks we should do.

I never needed medication to handle my anxiety until, frankly, I was married to First Husband and I started working at one of the most incredibly stressful jobs I can conceive of. (I was a public housing site manager) First Husband didn't seem to believe in cutting people any slack and routinely did things that made my anxiety worse. Sometimes I think he did them entirely on purpose, just to make me nervous. Actually, I'm pretty sure that is precisely what he did.

The way I see it, there's a distinct possibility that I may be far enough removed from chronic stress, and well enough equipped with behavioral tricks that I may be able to stop taking anxiety meds. And start enjoying grapefruit again. Yes, I'm really fixated on citrus. I live in FLORIDA, man! I could go buy a whole entire grapefruit tree and plant it in my front yard! "Be right back, gonna go harvest breakfast."

Tomorrow is my normal errand day, and I'm planning to go out as far as Flemming Island to shop for new jeans at Target. I also received a Zox order today so I have new straps to wear. I'm leaning towards "Zen," with a grey henley, jeans, and sandals. I may also be slightly obsessed with Zox. I got my first one on April 3 and now have seven of them. I'd have more if I weren't saving up in case they release either a new Zox Box and/or a subscription service.

So I'll get in a run, clean up and go buy stuff. Normally Tuesday is also "eating out day," in that I'll pick up pizza or something, but we're both leaning towards wanting healthier things for a while. It's not the Healthiest Dish Ever, but I'm planning on making buffalo broccoli and chicken. You roast the broccoli and pan roast the chicken, then mix up a light cheese sauce with blue crumbles, flour, butter, and cayenne pepper sauce, toss it all together, and it's actually really good. A friend has described broccoli as being, "Like a toothbrush for your colon." I'll leave you with that lovely mental image!