The Raven's Roost

1. Are you and your birth family close?
No. After college, I moved out of state, and I rarely hear from anyone in my family aside from my adoptive and birth mothers. Well, "rarely" is incorrect - it's actually "never."

2. How far away do you live from your various family members?
Most of my family lives in eastern Tennessee, I think. I was under the impression some live in Florida. Apparently one of my great grandmothers lived the later part of her life in Jacksonville and was shipped back to TN to be buried. I also thought I had heard some cousins live in Winter Park but I don't really know.

3. When was the last time you visited with relatives?
I don't remember exactly. I want to say maybe 2003? Definitely pre-Katrina.

4. Do your relatives travel to visit you?
LOL nope. I think Carolyn and Gina are the only ones who even know where I live.

5. How do you stay in touch with family: phone calls, email, snail mail, texts, other?
Text mostly. I'm awkward on the phone so I rarely call anyone unless it's necessary. Text or email are best for me. I frankly don't care if someone in my family wants me to call.

I used to think I had an entirely average, normal childhood, but lately I'm learning how not-normal things were. Processing all this is difficult. I'm grateful to finally be in a living situation where I feel secure, and while Fox doesn't personally understand some of the stuff I've been through, he's willing to listen. But I feel like I've set off one of those endlessly elaborate displays of falling dominoes by simply starting to ask a question of myself one day - "Why do I do that?" I don't like the answers I'm getting, but they make things make sense, even if I wish they weren't true.

If I'm asked directly, my answer is something like "oh, my childhood was fine. You know, the usual." This is because I can't remember a lot of it. I remember what I was reading, or what TV shows I followed, but not much about what I was actually doing. I tended to live inside my own head most of the time, which I'm told ... isn't really normal. I was mentally just checked out a lot. I didn't want to be at home, I didn't like school, I didn't have much of any place to go except inward. It was the same trapped feeling I had in Louisiana - I hated my job and didn't want to be at work, but I dreaded having to go home, and in between I didn't have many places I could be.

I doubt that I was an easy kid to raise, but I also feel like if you have a kid, and especially if you go out of your way to adopt one, you ought to be prepared for them to be individual humans. You can't force people to be the way you wish them to be. And when you don't even know what the hell you want from anyone, you can really screw up a kid who relies on you for their life.

My appointment was at Target Optical, which like every other eye/eyeglass place in the US is owned by Luxotica. Whether the corporate change to the appointment system was Target's or Lux's I don't know, but the appointment I made last year was for whatever reason treated like an automatic one the computer made, and as I didn't bother phoning in a conformation, I didn't have an appointment. I know that makes exactly NO sense, but it's a corporate thing, and we all know how much sense those decisions can make. The lady who I spoke to indicated that I was far from the first person to be in this situation, and I'm rescheduled for Monday. That gives me a little time to work on my jumpiness with the puff of air test.

Anyway, I'm going to get up tomorrow and make some yeast rolls ahead of the in-laws coming to visit. I haven't made this particular recipe in a long time, but I used to make these a lot when I lived in Kentucky. I've spent today running around like a cat with its ass on fire, and will be doing the same tomorrow but at least I'll have the weekend to get my Zen back.

I have some long training runs coming up, but I'll also have free time to draw and catch up on that. So that will be nice - I feel weird NOT drawing. I feel like I should maybe start carrying a bag so I can have a small sketchbook and pen on me when I go out.

For now I'm just tired. It's a bit early to go to bed, even for me, and I go to bed with the proverbial chickens. But I get up with them, too, and I enjoy my early mornings, watching the sun rise while I have coffee and the cats run around. They all had a major case of the zoomies this morning, and Sheba's kind of got them right now, which is odd for her. She likes to just pile up in my lap, but right now she's playful. And Feisal's very curious about the windows, so maybe we'll have a wildlife sighting tonight? LOL maybe the bear will show up while Mom & Dad are here tomorrow!

And finally - a new evening yoga sequence. I'm going to try this one out for a few nights and see if I want to replace the chandra namaskar with it.