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Registration for the Boston Athletics half-marathon opened yesterday and both Fox and I snagged spots. This was almost a full month ahead of when I assumed it would open, based on the 5 and 10k race days vs. when registration opened. But I scrambled when I got the email at noon yesterday and made it in. A half marathon is "only" 13.1 miles, so it'll be a good practice race for Disney's Wine & Dine, if they have that this year. Which they might, considering how much social distancing is loosening up and how restrictions are lifting for those of us who got vaxxed.
I still hope at some point to be able to run a Boston qualifying marathon time. I don't necessarily need to go run Boston in person, I just want to be able to say I qualified for it.
Anyway, in slightly different news ... I just took my last dose of anxiety meds. A couple of weeks ago something set me off and it was harder than normal to pull myself out of the obsessive thought spiral, and I thought later, why is this still happening? Do I need a different medication? Maybe the Buspar isn't working anymore. I looked it up to see what other people's experiences might have been and found that a known side effect of Buspar is ... nervousness.
I originally went on anxiety meds due to the pressures of chronic stress at work and home and a total lack of emotional support. I've always been a somewhat anxious person, even as a kid. But I'm not in a super-stressful situation now, I have good emotional support, and I'm still nervous? I thought about it and decided to try weaning myself off the drug, and went for an even more slow process than you're usually given, so I've been reducing my dose over the past two weeks.
How do I feel? Pretty much the same. I'm not having more frequent or intense anxiety or depression, in fact I've actually started having times when I just feel ... happy? Like, WTF is this. Just calm and happy. IT'S FREAKING ME OUT MAN. Actually it's not, it's kind of nice. The anxiety is still there, obviously, but my working hypothesis right now is that the Buspar hasn't been working against the anxiety for a long time, and has, in fact, been adding to it, leaving me to use every tool in my kit to fight it. Removing the extra burden of medication-induced nervousness makes it much easier to manage my "regular" anxiety with CBT, meditation, and occasionally talking it out with Fox.
Buspar is supposed to begin working right away but it can also build up in your system over time. So I imagine this will be an evolving situation as I burn through whatever is left, but so far I feel optimistic about it, and at the moment, I don't have any plans to ask for a different medication.
I still hope at some point to be able to run a Boston qualifying marathon time. I don't necessarily need to go run Boston in person, I just want to be able to say I qualified for it.
Anyway, in slightly different news ... I just took my last dose of anxiety meds. A couple of weeks ago something set me off and it was harder than normal to pull myself out of the obsessive thought spiral, and I thought later, why is this still happening? Do I need a different medication? Maybe the Buspar isn't working anymore. I looked it up to see what other people's experiences might have been and found that a known side effect of Buspar is ... nervousness.
I originally went on anxiety meds due to the pressures of chronic stress at work and home and a total lack of emotional support. I've always been a somewhat anxious person, even as a kid. But I'm not in a super-stressful situation now, I have good emotional support, and I'm still nervous? I thought about it and decided to try weaning myself off the drug, and went for an even more slow process than you're usually given, so I've been reducing my dose over the past two weeks.
How do I feel? Pretty much the same. I'm not having more frequent or intense anxiety or depression, in fact I've actually started having times when I just feel ... happy? Like, WTF is this. Just calm and happy. IT'S FREAKING ME OUT MAN. Actually it's not, it's kind of nice. The anxiety is still there, obviously, but my working hypothesis right now is that the Buspar hasn't been working against the anxiety for a long time, and has, in fact, been adding to it, leaving me to use every tool in my kit to fight it. Removing the extra burden of medication-induced nervousness makes it much easier to manage my "regular" anxiety with CBT, meditation, and occasionally talking it out with Fox.
Buspar is supposed to begin working right away but it can also build up in your system over time. So I imagine this will be an evolving situation as I burn through whatever is left, but so far I feel optimistic about it, and at the moment, I don't have any plans to ask for a different medication.
