Ugh - while I understand the concept of checking a child's room, the way she went about it was traumatic, especially basically sending you a message by leaving it as she did.
I didn't even know the right way to do it myself when I knew my kids were hiding something. Each time I did go through their things, I did find what I was looking for but I left everything as I found it.
Yes, I actually set out to study psychology in college myself! But at that time I didn't have the curiosity that I do now. It was some sort of innate desire that I couldn't even articulate. I was applying for a scholarship I believe. When asked what area I wanted to study, that's what I put. I didn't get the scholarship. In fact, I really had no idea what subject matter I wanted to study so I was simply floating. That's why in part I quit. [The other thing was my personal life was a complete mess. The little focus I had, I lost. I had the wherewithal to not continue & just focus on work & surviving. Funny how little else has changed in my life except that I did away with work completely & the thought now sends me into a panic, especially knowing that's precisely my only key for escape. Essentially FML.]
I'm curious though, what field of study did you go into? That's a shame your mother talked you out of a path you wanted to travel.
we sometimes make jokes about it, talking about people we see out in public like we're narrating a nature documentary. Yes!! This is so me also!
We also have to remember that therapy wasn't as accepted as it is today. Going meant that something was wrong with a person that either they couldn't successfully hide or fix themselves. It was admitting weakness or a flaw.
Also, her making fun was a way to deflect so no one would look at her & think the same thing.
It's difficult when we look back & see things in our families of origin that clearly needed work. It's also challenging being in the thick of it & trying to survive. It's not 'til later in life that we start to receive some clarity. I'll use myself as an example. I was so focused on just trying to survive when I was raising my kids that I didn't have it in me to be nurturing & such. Now I see the problems they have not only within themselves but also in the way they raise their kids. That's just a simplified generalization.
In my recent revelation, I'm coming to realize that all along I've been autistic. I also read that many neurodivergents go into psychology because we have such a need to understand why things & people are the way they are; to make sense of our own lives. The thought of me being autistic never crossed my mind. It wasn't til just recently that The Universe started showing me things then suddenly all the puzzle pieces of my life started to finally make a complete picture. But since it wasn't a thing when I was growing up, I missed out on all the help & now I have no idea where to even turn to get it because here I am a 52 yo woman who somehow got through my whole life up to now without accommodations - only because I was simply trying to survive. And in doing that I've subconsciously been watching people & trying to mirror my life from theirs because I never had an innate sense of how to do things. And I still lack verbiage for how to articulate everything.
Another thing the last therapist said to me was that the age of 55 seems to be the average age of 'disclosure'. I interpreted that to also mean we suddenly become enlightened [in a sense] & our life story comes together in a more complete picture. Maybe this is the time in life when we are best to see the full story.
I don't know if any of this is making sense to you lol :P I'm terrible at effectively communicating things. I'm just so happy that we can talk about these things :)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-08-12 10:06 pm (UTC)I didn't even know the right way to do it myself when I knew my kids were hiding something. Each time I did go through their things, I did find what I was looking for but I left everything as I found it.
Yes, I actually set out to study psychology in college myself! But at that time I didn't have the curiosity that I do now. It was some sort of innate desire that I couldn't even articulate. I was applying for a scholarship I believe. When asked what area I wanted to study, that's what I put. I didn't get the scholarship. In fact, I really had no idea what subject matter I wanted to study so I was simply floating. That's why in part I quit. [The other thing was my personal life was a complete mess. The little focus I had, I lost. I had the wherewithal to not continue & just focus on work & surviving. Funny how little else has changed in my life except that I did away with work completely & the thought now sends me into a panic, especially knowing that's precisely my only key for escape. Essentially FML.]
I'm curious though, what field of study did you go into? That's a shame your mother talked you out of a path you wanted to travel.
Yes!! This is so me also!
We also have to remember that therapy wasn't as accepted as it is today. Going meant that something was wrong with a person that either they couldn't successfully hide or fix themselves. It was admitting weakness or a flaw.
Also, her making fun was a way to deflect so no one would look at her & think the same thing.
It's difficult when we look back & see things in our families of origin that clearly needed work. It's also challenging being in the thick of it & trying to survive. It's not 'til later in life that we start to receive some clarity. I'll use myself as an example. I was so focused on just trying to survive when I was raising my kids that I didn't have it in me to be nurturing & such. Now I see the problems they have not only within themselves but also in the way they raise their kids. That's just a simplified generalization.
In my recent revelation, I'm coming to realize that all along I've been autistic. I also read that many neurodivergents go into psychology because we have such a need to understand why things & people are the way they are; to make sense of our own lives. The thought of me being autistic never crossed my mind. It wasn't til just recently that The Universe started showing me things then suddenly all the puzzle pieces of my life started to finally make a complete picture. But since it wasn't a thing when I was growing up, I missed out on all the help & now I have no idea where to even turn to get it because here I am a 52 yo woman who somehow got through my whole life up to now without accommodations - only because I was simply trying to survive. And in doing that I've subconsciously been watching people & trying to mirror my life from theirs because I never had an innate sense of how to do things. And I still lack verbiage for how to articulate everything.
Another thing the last therapist said to me was that the age of 55 seems to be the average age of 'disclosure'. I interpreted that to also mean we suddenly become enlightened [in a sense] & our life story comes together in a more complete picture. Maybe this is the time in life when we are best to see the full story.
I don't know if any of this is making sense to you lol :P I'm terrible at effectively communicating things. I'm just so happy that we can talk about these things :)