Into the Wilderness
Dec. 28th, 2022 08:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pshaw_ravenFox and I don't usually do a whole lot for the holidays. This year we'd already visited with his parents closer to Christmas, so we didn't even go to Orlando, but given how badly we've both been bitten by the hiking bug, we decided to go for a short hike on Sunday. I was surprised that Gold Head was even open, but it was, and it was somewhat busy!
The Florida Trail runs through Gold Head, then crosses SR21 and heads onto Camp Blanding, when the military base is open. Otherwise you can detour to Keystone. We decided to just hike around in the park, and since this is one of the better-maintained stretches, it wasn't a demoralizing slog through swampy water full of snakes and bugs. Which is what the first 15 or so miles of the trail are down at the southern terminus. There's a spot called Thank God Island, and there's a very good reason for the name.
We even met a thru-hiker while we were out and chatted with him a while. He seemed to be going ultralight and was stealth camping most places. We figured he likely had a map or something, but warned him about Blanding, since getting caught stealth camping on the base might not go really well for him. But it's a big place, and they're not running maneuvers right now, so he was probably fine. I brought a small snack that I ate just after the halfway point, but Fox had nothing and started bonking in the last mile or so, which is an important lesson about fueling these hikes. We've also started making lists of potential backpacking items, with their estimated weights from manufacturer's descriptions to figure out what we're taking. Since we're old farts/grey muzzles we have a keen interest in sleeping comfortably and eating. So we'll be taking a heftier stove and cooking setup than some people prefer, as well as cushy sleeping bags and pads. I will likely not be carrying as much tech, probably just a charger and battery bank for my phone and Garmin, maybe a Kindle for reading, definitely a Rite In The Rain journal or even just a regular notebook stashed in a dry bag.
Anyway, the cold is finally letting up here. After several nights in the 20s, we may be able to unwrap the fruit trees today and stop the faucet drips. Tonight should "only" be 44 or so. I like the cold, but sometimes it's hard for me to function. I turn into a cat and just hang out by the fire all day.I really need to work on my ability to tolerate discomfort.
I have never exactly gotten along well with my mom. I envied some of my friends because they seemed to have these warm, caring relationships with the mom, while I had ... "Why can't you do anything right?" So I feel like I'm in a weird position where I don't care very much about her, or the rest of my family to be quite honest, and it annoys me that I even bother trying to be a "good daughter" or whatever. Around holidays I'll drop a message or try to contact her, and get either a short response or nothing. Occasionally I'll get a nasty jab about how ungrateful or selfish I am, which definitely makes me rethink calling or writing.
I know mom had her own problems and abusive childhood to deal with, but she's never really acknowledged it in a meaningful way, or even admitted that it affects her life even now. She'd just take her shit out on me and my birth mom. (Birth Mom got pregnant just out of high school, and mom & dad sued her for custody of me for some reason, so I'm adopted, but by my own family, so ... it's weird.)
I always wanted to move away as a kid, and even as an adult I don't feel the urge to go home, see the town I grew up in, contact any school friends, or see my family. I don't really care. And I guess that ought to bother me, but it doesn't. In fact I'm considering just not bothering with any more attempts at cheery special-occasion contact. I always wanted to just disappear and never be seen or heard from again, might as well do it.
Not like mom was openly abusive in an after-school special way, she just, as I said, had her own issues that she took out on other people. She was incredibly controlling, and still is with my adult bio-mom. She was/is manipulative and harshly critical. She never said she was proud of anything I did until I graduated college, and I feel like that's something you have to say when someone gets their degree. I also feel like she was angry at me for not being a good daughter, and instead being this weird, broken tomboy-thing she was stuck with raising.
Maybe if I'd tried harder it wouldn't be an issue. Honestly, I was a pretty terrible kid.
Anyway, can't really be helped. Just venting.
I also now have copies of Horizon Zero Dawn and Dead Cells, both of which I started and really enjoy so far. HZD is apparently a pretty long one. I have a bunch of stuff still in my backlog, too, LOL. Having "too many games" is not exactly the worst problem.
I need to head out when it's a little warmer and run some strides, then get my training log for 2023 ready to go.
The Florida Trail runs through Gold Head, then crosses SR21 and heads onto Camp Blanding, when the military base is open. Otherwise you can detour to Keystone. We decided to just hike around in the park, and since this is one of the better-maintained stretches, it wasn't a demoralizing slog through swampy water full of snakes and bugs. Which is what the first 15 or so miles of the trail are down at the southern terminus. There's a spot called Thank God Island, and there's a very good reason for the name.
We even met a thru-hiker while we were out and chatted with him a while. He seemed to be going ultralight and was stealth camping most places. We figured he likely had a map or something, but warned him about Blanding, since getting caught stealth camping on the base might not go really well for him. But it's a big place, and they're not running maneuvers right now, so he was probably fine. I brought a small snack that I ate just after the halfway point, but Fox had nothing and started bonking in the last mile or so, which is an important lesson about fueling these hikes. We've also started making lists of potential backpacking items, with their estimated weights from manufacturer's descriptions to figure out what we're taking. Since we're old farts/grey muzzles we have a keen interest in sleeping comfortably and eating. So we'll be taking a heftier stove and cooking setup than some people prefer, as well as cushy sleeping bags and pads. I will likely not be carrying as much tech, probably just a charger and battery bank for my phone and Garmin, maybe a Kindle for reading, definitely a Rite In The Rain journal or even just a regular notebook stashed in a dry bag.
Anyway, the cold is finally letting up here. After several nights in the 20s, we may be able to unwrap the fruit trees today and stop the faucet drips. Tonight should "only" be 44 or so. I like the cold, but sometimes it's hard for me to function. I turn into a cat and just hang out by the fire all day.I really need to work on my ability to tolerate discomfort.
I have never exactly gotten along well with my mom. I envied some of my friends because they seemed to have these warm, caring relationships with the mom, while I had ... "Why can't you do anything right?" So I feel like I'm in a weird position where I don't care very much about her, or the rest of my family to be quite honest, and it annoys me that I even bother trying to be a "good daughter" or whatever. Around holidays I'll drop a message or try to contact her, and get either a short response or nothing. Occasionally I'll get a nasty jab about how ungrateful or selfish I am, which definitely makes me rethink calling or writing.
I know mom had her own problems and abusive childhood to deal with, but she's never really acknowledged it in a meaningful way, or even admitted that it affects her life even now. She'd just take her shit out on me and my birth mom. (Birth Mom got pregnant just out of high school, and mom & dad sued her for custody of me for some reason, so I'm adopted, but by my own family, so ... it's weird.)
I always wanted to move away as a kid, and even as an adult I don't feel the urge to go home, see the town I grew up in, contact any school friends, or see my family. I don't really care. And I guess that ought to bother me, but it doesn't. In fact I'm considering just not bothering with any more attempts at cheery special-occasion contact. I always wanted to just disappear and never be seen or heard from again, might as well do it.
Not like mom was openly abusive in an after-school special way, she just, as I said, had her own issues that she took out on other people. She was incredibly controlling, and still is with my adult bio-mom. She was/is manipulative and harshly critical. She never said she was proud of anything I did until I graduated college, and I feel like that's something you have to say when someone gets their degree. I also feel like she was angry at me for not being a good daughter, and instead being this weird, broken tomboy-thing she was stuck with raising.
Maybe if I'd tried harder it wouldn't be an issue. Honestly, I was a pretty terrible kid.
Anyway, can't really be helped. Just venting.
I also now have copies of Horizon Zero Dawn and Dead Cells, both of which I started and really enjoy so far. HZD is apparently a pretty long one. I have a bunch of stuff still in my backlog, too, LOL. Having "too many games" is not exactly the worst problem.
I need to head out when it's a little warmer and run some strides, then get my training log for 2023 ready to go.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-28 09:28 pm (UTC)Yay for enjoying hiking!!
no subject
Date: 2022-12-29 02:08 pm (UTC)And yay hiking :D Except for some folks we met who asked if a certain stretch was open ... when we said it was they said, "Yeah, they closed it off because of the hornets."
The ... hornets? Wait, hold up ...
no subject
Date: 2022-12-30 06:22 pm (UTC)Ack - hornets! That wouldn't be anything pleasant to encounter! I'm guessing that may have been an issue during the spring/summer months? I guess that's something to note for future reference! lol