The Social Network
Mar. 20th, 2021 11:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pshaw_ravenThere's a lot of spilled ink on the subject of social connection, friendships, and "feeling connected." I can understand that people value relationships and some genuinely enjoy social interaction and going out. I am also aware that people tend to respond to thoughts like mine with a canned 'humans are social creatures' response.
But if socializing exhausts me and stresses me out, why should I do it? Surely whatever benefit I'm supposed to be receiving from it is negated by the anxiety and tiredness and depression I feel.
A few years ago, or maybe more recently, there was some high-falutin' BBC or Guardian piece on loneliness and how it's killing people. But I feel like it's overlooking one major thing - you have to feel lonely to feel lonely. If I don't feel lonely ... how can I be lonely? I feel like this is an assumption one type of person is imposing upon another. If I'm fulfilled and content with being at home, doing my own thing, and not hanging out with 'the girls' or whomever I'm supposed to hang out with, then what's the problem? This seems like we're getting back to the problem of my mom telling me I can't wear something because it looks uncomfortable to her.
The only thing I've found this morning that even remotely address this was from a site that basically sells social skills coaching, and it had a list of strategies for introverted types to use to make socializing less of a drain. Which is great, if you want to engage in that activity.
I find dealing with other people in person very frustrating and exhausting. I hate having to constantly be "on" looking for social cues and body language, trying to interpret what people are saying, and monitoring my own body language, facial expression, and running over what I'm going to say in my mind before I say it. None of this is fun for me. So 'it's good for you to have human connection' is not much of a sales pitch. I don't want to get a shot, either, but I know the tradeoff of NOT dying of Covid is worth the pain and discomfort of the injection - it's something I'm willing to do. But I don't see the benefit in doing something I don't want to do, feeling like shit the entire time, then feeling tired and anxious afterwards for no obvious reason except to maybe satisfy some other people.
I'm just on about this today because I'm seeing things about how it's good for your health to have a social network and friends, and do things, and I don't get how that's prescriptive for every single person in the world. Sort of like how there's no one ultimate human diet, how can this apply to everyone equally?
But if socializing exhausts me and stresses me out, why should I do it? Surely whatever benefit I'm supposed to be receiving from it is negated by the anxiety and tiredness and depression I feel.
A few years ago, or maybe more recently, there was some high-falutin' BBC or Guardian piece on loneliness and how it's killing people. But I feel like it's overlooking one major thing - you have to feel lonely to feel lonely. If I don't feel lonely ... how can I be lonely? I feel like this is an assumption one type of person is imposing upon another. If I'm fulfilled and content with being at home, doing my own thing, and not hanging out with 'the girls' or whomever I'm supposed to hang out with, then what's the problem? This seems like we're getting back to the problem of my mom telling me I can't wear something because it looks uncomfortable to her.
The only thing I've found this morning that even remotely address this was from a site that basically sells social skills coaching, and it had a list of strategies for introverted types to use to make socializing less of a drain. Which is great, if you want to engage in that activity.
I find dealing with other people in person very frustrating and exhausting. I hate having to constantly be "on" looking for social cues and body language, trying to interpret what people are saying, and monitoring my own body language, facial expression, and running over what I'm going to say in my mind before I say it. None of this is fun for me. So 'it's good for you to have human connection' is not much of a sales pitch. I don't want to get a shot, either, but I know the tradeoff of NOT dying of Covid is worth the pain and discomfort of the injection - it's something I'm willing to do. But I don't see the benefit in doing something I don't want to do, feeling like shit the entire time, then feeling tired and anxious afterwards for no obvious reason except to maybe satisfy some other people.
I'm just on about this today because I'm seeing things about how it's good for your health to have a social network and friends, and do things, and I don't get how that's prescriptive for every single person in the world. Sort of like how there's no one ultimate human diet, how can this apply to everyone equally?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-21 11:49 pm (UTC)I like small hangouts in my apartment, or a friend's apartment, but I sort of hate going out.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-25 12:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-22 08:34 pm (UTC)I do understand though why people say it's good to get out & such. I've had therapists & other people tell me this. There is a certain value to it. But as you said, it's not always one size fits all.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-25 12:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-26 04:57 pm (UTC)