(no subject)

I've been up for a long time with Feisal, who took a turn for the worse last night and hasn't improved. I tried giving him a little extra insulin and that improved some of his problems but he's still lethargic, breathing heavily, and has lost control of his bladder, bowels, and basically his entire back end. I've left him in my bathroom where he seems content, and I can pick up the soiled rug and launder it later. He's got an appointment later this morning at the vet, and if she can work miracles, then hooray, but I get the feeling it's time to say goodbye to the big dork. He's had thirteen good years.

At least I'm crying, I haven't been able to do that for a long while. Can't remember the last time.

Cats are fine, until they aren't. This was extremely sudden. And it's something I've worried about since he started on diabetes treatment, that one day he'd just up and die. At this point, the more I think it over, veterinary miracles may be all well and good, but isn't letting him go the more compassionate thing? He's not even interested in wet food or shredded cheese, and he's previously been an incorrigible little goblin where shredded cheese is concerned.

I don't know. I'm exhausted. It's finally raining. I probably need to eat breakfast but I don't feel like having food right now.

Update: It's done. At least he's not suffering any more.