I had the exact same reaction to "I need a haircut." GIRL, YOU HAVE LONG HAIR. Literally no one knows or cares if you've had a haircut recently.

"I mean the people who just want to go to Bass Pro Shop, or who've been stockpiling dried beans and ammo for decades getting ready for "the big one" and are now losing their shit because Baskin Robbins is closed."

YEP.