For me personally, other peoples' mileage may vary, if you just ask "what was fifth grade like for you?" I won't be able to answer very well. And while I can't really write out a narrative about my childhood, sometimes people will say something, or I'll read something and it will bring certain events back. I have these vague memories of traveling to an uncle's house during the summers, where he lived near a river. Those trips all blend into one for me, and I couldn't tell you what happened on any particular trip. School is the same way - most years blur into each other until something major happens like I change schools.
But then I read a Reddit post talking about "room raids," and some pretty uncomfortable memories resurfaced. My mother did this every so often, especially as I became a teenager. I'd come home from school to find my room had been completely tossed. She didn't try to hide that she'd gone through every drawer, cabinet, etc. Now it was my job to clean up, since I was the one who "made her do it." I think she got even more angry when she never found any of the contraband I'm sure she was looking for.
I have always tried to understand why people do what they do as well - I wanted to study psychology when I went to college, but my mother talked me out of it. I felt like I was a step behind everyone else so perhaps psychology held the promise of sharing the memo with me that everyone else got and I didn't. Fox shares that curiosity with me and we sometimes make jokes about it, talking about people we see out in public like we're narrating a nature documentary.
I do know our family had a lot of generational trauma. I realize the woman who raised me had a traumatic childhood herself, and I try to create some mental space for that. But I also remember that she'd make fun of my birth mother and other family members for seeking therapy and my ability to have compassion starts getting *really* strained. She'd have benefited from therapy herself, but that would also require her to admit she isn't perfect. I don't know ... *shrugs broadly*
no subject
But then I read a Reddit post talking about "room raids," and some pretty uncomfortable memories resurfaced. My mother did this every so often, especially as I became a teenager. I'd come home from school to find my room had been completely tossed. She didn't try to hide that she'd gone through every drawer, cabinet, etc. Now it was my job to clean up, since I was the one who "made her do it." I think she got even more angry when she never found any of the contraband I'm sure she was looking for.
I have always tried to understand why people do what they do as well - I wanted to study psychology when I went to college, but my mother talked me out of it. I felt like I was a step behind everyone else so perhaps psychology held the promise of sharing the memo with me that everyone else got and I didn't. Fox shares that curiosity with me and we sometimes make jokes about it, talking about people we see out in public like we're narrating a nature documentary.
I do know our family had a lot of generational trauma. I realize the woman who raised me had a traumatic childhood herself, and I try to create some mental space for that. But I also remember that she'd make fun of my birth mother and other family members for seeking therapy and my ability to have compassion starts getting *really* strained. She'd have benefited from therapy herself, but that would also require her to admit she isn't perfect. I don't know ... *shrugs broadly*